Carol Wiseman's Life Tweaks

De-clutter your Computer, De-clutter you Brain.

2012-03-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

Until an hour ago this screen had 36 little icons spattered about, all vying for my attention before I was ready to give them any. It’s easy to leave files where they land as we work, but finding something after a while is like rummaging through a jumbled junk drawer for one AAA battery. Some of you are already organized computer-wise and do it as automatically as brushing your teeth. You distribute files into appropriate folders, back up every day (every hour?), empty the trash regularly, and don’t cling to precious little snapshots of kitties and such. You, can stop reading now. For the rest of us....

Facing a clear screen in the morning helps you focus on the task at hand faster because you’re not distracted by the cluttery bits of information in front of you. Remember what is feels like after you tackle a really messy house? Aaahhhh.

Emails are great. Emails are evil. There’s a good reason the delete key is placed so conveniently on the upper edge of the keyboard. I know, “You might need that later.” But really, how many times have you actually dug one out from the distant past? Even if it contains a great web address, you’ll forget which email it’s in anyway. I know a woman who reads an email then deletes it, no matter what. I also know someone who has every email she’s ever received still in her inbox. The mass of us seem to land somewhere in between.

Simplification is the key to living a more peaceful life, and lower blood pressure is a worthy goal. The word “clutter” usually means extra stuff around the house or garage or office, but a concentrated cleaning up effort means you’ll be clutter-free, at least for a little while. Computer clutter multiplies faster, squaring itself every week or so if you insist of saving every email, photo, and file that you receive.

Consider cleaning your electronic house, but get ruthless: Tuck away desktop icons, delete emails, organize photos, empty the trash. Giving your brain less to think about and sort out— mental clutter — will help an overworked brain calm down. Get ruthless and consider it stress therapy.

What Do You Really Want?

2012-02-21T10:30:00.000-08:00

Most of us are taught early on to conform, which eventually leads to our sad induction into the sheep herd — and you know no strays are allowed there. That bloody dog is trained to shove any sheep with a mind of her own back in line ASAP.

Hanging on the wall in front of me is a document entitled: Regrets People Have When They Face the End of Their Lives. I didn’t make up this list, but recognize it as the most valuable of life lessons. I typed, framed, and hung it in front of my face because I frequently need this reminder of what’s REALLY important. I get distracted easily.

REGRET #1: Making choices in life based on what was expected instead of what they really wanted. This is huge and has pretty much defined my entire life. Doing what was expected meant I’d probably fit in, and the need to belong has apparently trumped all good sense.

Early life lesson: Water skiing was our passion before parenthood, and at one point our boat group organized an actual ski race. I was reluctant because fear was immediate, but I caved. The pressure to join the “fun” was steady. As our boat approached 50 mph, fear doubled. I could no longer control the shimmy of the ski beneath me and leaning farther back to dig in was no longer possible. My desperate hand signals to slow down were basically ignored by the driver, my loving husband. He wanted to win. I hit head first but, oooh, had no idea that something so soft could be so hard. You’ve walked full force under a tree limb without ducking, right? I bobbed up, bikini barely hanging on — top half bunched up into armpits, bottoms clinging to ankles, head pounding. “Was I all right? they shouted. Well... no. But I was lucky, escaping with a mere headache, no hospital time, and plenty of campsite fame. Hard earned lesson: listen to self. The all powerful desire to be accepted or cool, in an instant overrode my own instincts.

I guess my early lesson wasn't lesson enough, because it wasn't the last time I compromised myself to do what was expected. Like lots of folks, I’ve agreed to do things solely because I didn’t want to disappoint. I’ve cleaned the house before company came so they wouldn’t think I was as messy as I really am. I’ve smiled and pretended I liked something when..... well, you know. I’ve known women who even had babies just because their friends did. After all, it was the thing to do.

Changing mindsets and perspectives are not simple life tweaks, but they’re important steps toward relieving stress and leading a more satisfying life. Thankfully, the older I get the less I worry about what others think. Whenever I stop making choices based on how I look to others, and this is important, I start tuning in more to what it is that I really want. Oddly, being yourself isn’t automatic. At least for some of us.

Shedding Straws of Stress

2012-02-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

I installed my very first window yesterday. Not your typical punch-the-wall-out kind, just six little wads of poster putty and voilá... let there be light. The transformation in my bathroom is startling. True, no actual light comes through, but the illusion is tricking my brain. Is it just diverting my attention, or actually fooling me into thinking I’m really looking outside? Doesn't matter because it’s working and that’s what counts.

Oddly, I’ve never liked using my own bathroom. That little dark toilet niche always felt like the corner of some dark cave. Then one day an idea hit, and I found this poster online. Suddenly my bathroom seemed welcoming and started inviting me in to... sit a while.

So many times I’ve been struck by what a huge difference a small change can make. Tiny tweaks in my own life have been transforming. In this case a $30 poster in just the right place. Adding bright colors to the cubby not only brightened up the whole bathroom, but a window scene has its own built-in frame. And that service can be expensive.

Maybe there’s a simple fix for something that’s been bothering YOU for a long time, contributing little, persistent stressors to your body that you don’t even realize. It’s easy to resign yourself and put up with it because it’s too much trouble, too expensive to change, or “nothing you can do about it anyway.” Surprisingly, a little head scratching might come up with a simple, doable change that will ease the continual aggravation. Small irritations can build up to doctor visits, so it's actually stress therapy. Hang a poster, rearrange some furniture, buy some flowers. One of my favorites is to organize a messy drawer by sectioning it off with a few open boxes so I don’t have to paw through a big jumble when I need something. I’ve even made a difference by moving the couch over 3”. Little things do mean a lot.

Changing Expectations Changes Lives

2012-01-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

My calendar showed a lunch meeting at noon today. I expected it. The project I’m working on has a timeline that can’t be met without it, so I was counting on it. I needed it. Then I opened the blinds this morning. Heavy snowfall overnight and into today means cancellations all around. Damn that snow. My car can’t even make it up the steep driveway in the snow, and I didn’t plan ahead, so I guess it’s tuna sandwiches for dinner tonight. It’s been two hours and I’m still pouty.

Then... something caught my ear. Is that laughter? That’s right, heavy snow means school buses can’t run, and the 10-year-old down the block gets to go sledding instead. I whizzed down the street with her last year and I was 10 again. Then, suddenly I remember the amazing snow horse that my teenage daughter and her grandpa sculpted in the front yard many years ago.

Slowly my perspective shifts. I start to see the white landscape of my yard with new eyes. Isn’t the snow beautiful. If I stand outside and look up, falling snowflakes makes me feel like the Star Ship Enterprise, navigating through some kind of space debris. Since this little attitude adjustment, I don’t feel angry and disappointed anymore or, quite frankly, like kicking something. As soon as my expectations of the day changed, my anxiety about the work delay seemed to fade away. My life just got better.

Eating Trees is a Good Thing

2012-01-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

Please take note. I am not a kitchen person. I do not do extended recipe chatter. I am not a foodie. That being said, I do pay attention to anything that makes this necessity easier because de-stressing this part of my life seems essential for sanity. It makes sense that the more time we spend in the kitchen, the more calories we’re likely to pack in, so my aim to to get out of there as fast as I can. I recognize that this thinking is in the minority, but since food plays such a big part in so many lives, I feel compelled to write about it occasionally.

Here are two creations that have simplified kitchen work around my house: one is for leftover fish, the other for those kindred souls whose families also cringe at broccoli. (My husband here grimaces at the mere mention.) I always knew these tiny broccoli trees were exceptionally good for us, so we forced them down for years under a variety of camouflage sauces. Then I invented BROCCOLI TOMATO DISGUISE:) Steam broccoli for 2 min., cool. Cut into small chunks and combine in a bowl with cutup tomatoes, mushrooms, cashews and feta. Toss with Balsamic dressing (1/2 c olive oil, 3/8 c rice vinegar, 1/8 c balsamic vinegar, one crushed garlic clove).

FISH SALAD SURPRISE:) Combine cold cutup fish in a bowl with cooled rice, peas, and maybe cashews. Toss with the same dressing as above. Both are cold, like salad, and very yummy. Whenever we have fish now, we buy extra so there’s enough left over for this quick fish dish later in the week. Especially good with Salmon. Keep in mind that I believe, in my heart of hearts, that feta and Balsamic vinegarette go on literally everything. The fridge is never without them!

As with all recipes, substitute, delete, or add favorites at will. Once you get in the Vinegarette Habit, you’ll start tossing all sorts of leftovers into a bowl for easy, one-dish meals. Just one more baby step toward simplifying your life.

Another Chance to "Get it Right"

2011-12-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

I love second chances and, in my mind, every Jan. 1st gives me one. It’s so appealing to start fresh, getting another chance to make my life easier. If your life is grand already, you can hope that it continues into another year, and maybe tweak it some to make it even better. And if your life has been in the toilet, it gives you the chance to say, “Maybe next year will be better.” There’s usually a good reason for those old adages. “Hope springs eternal”, a phrase coined by Alexander Pope in 1733, describes this basic human condition. No matter how bad circumstances are, we can’t help hoping that better things are coming. Why else do we keep buying lottery tickets?

Since ruts are so hard to climb out of, instead of a laundry list of resolutions —aka good intentions —I’m picking just one this year. I'm hopeful it will multiply because one small adjustment sometimes leads to more; seeing something work is great motivation to continue. Admit it, seeing that bicep grow pretty much guarantees that you’ll continue to pump!

My goal is less TV in the evenings. Picking a daily habit is good because I have to work on it every single day. More chances of making it stick. The easiest way to change a habit is to replace it with a another one, so reading more is my replacement. I know I can’t read and watch TV at the same time. Planning for success: make sure a book is handy and in sight after dinner. This detail is important for me since “outta sight, outta mind” is soooo true. A noble plan, right? I’ll let you know.

My New Year’s wish is that you’ll try your own change. One that will improve your life and the way you see the world around you. Deliberate change takes determination, but getting an attitude adjustment is very freeing sometimes. A new perspective about a stressful situation has saved my butt many times. Oh, circumstances didn’t change, it’s just that I saw it differently and the anxiety gradually faded away. Reducing stress is a good thing.

Exercise Simplified

2011-12-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

I recently saw my very first pushup competition. Not on purpose, mind you, but an accidental siting at a holiday gathering. Suddenly there were bodies strewn about, all demonstrating how their 50+ years hadn’t yet caught up with them. Testosterone flowed, as one middle-aged man after another was drawn into this Alpha competition.

This time-honored measure of a “real” man evidently still exists, but it’s the fitness of the whole of you that takes us into old age with the best health. Not isolated pecs, or abs, or... whatever. Whole-hog on machines at the gym — with its expense, time, and carefully selected attire — isn’t necessary either. I’ve been chinking away at it for 15 years or so, and I do believe Teri Tortoise is winning. This poster of Marilyn Monroe on my wall both tickles and inspires me to continue.

A corner of my home is now decorated with an an exercise bench, some free weights and a mat. Staying in my pj’s is, of course, essential. I don’t twist my gut or strain the life out of each muscle, I just keep at it. Finding the time was a problem in the beginning, so my routine has been honed over the years. Here’s what I eventually told myself: slowing every movement down would double its effect so I’d need to do fewer. Then, I reasoned, lifting a heavier weight very slowly 15 times might be the same as a lighter weight 30 times. Saving time was everything.

A good example: instead of umpteen crunches, sit up and curl your back down very slowly, pausing for a breath in increments — about three times — on the way down AND up again. Work up to five reps. Then flip over and do the Plank. This Yoga position does wonders in strengthening your back because holding your body steady in the pushup position, even for 15 seconds for beginners, is difficult. The goal is to work up to 60 seconds. Oh, so you think these both sound easy? Just wait. If you do nothing else, think about spending these four minutes working the front and back of you. They’re a good “core” to any exercise routine. I know It’s hard to start when your life seems crazy busy, but everybody has four minutes... somewhere.

My biggest change was mental attitude. For years I just wanted to “get it over with.” But that seemed to change when I started valuing my health more. Suddenly, I was exercising with a purpose. Then it seemed like working a muscle got easier when I actually looked at it. Weird, but true. Going slower allowed me to pay attention, and that changed everything.

Most important of all is setting yourself up for success, and key is devising a routine that you can live with. Personally, I get bored easily so it's important not to do the same thing every day. Mon. upper body, Tues. lower, and so on. Anyway... you get the picture. Whatever you eventually set up for yourself, be sure to include the whole of you. Muscle groups work together. And remember, don’t kill yourself, the Tortoise won.

Waking Up to the Fatigue Factor

2011-12-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

You might say that I’m a closet napper. Whenever the subject comes up in conversation, I’m convinced by the reactions I get that needing more rest makes people feel like grandpa dozing in his rocker. Sure, energy is less as you age, but getting enough sleep is important for everyone. And getting enough right now will do wonders in helping you deal with the potential stresses of this holiday month. We’d all be better able to cope with the adversities in our lives if we just spent more time lying down.

Bodies repair themselves when they’re sleeping, so it’s especially important during flu season to pamper your immune system. My own body screams loud and clear when I’m tired. Case in point: this photo of me catching up on on an early morning ferry ride (I live on an island). My own little clinical trials over the years prove that the benefits of this mind-altering “drug” called sleep are dramatic. Basically, I see the world differently when I’m rested, as if the glass is now half full instead of ...... well, you know. First thing I notice: Sense of humor returns, and that’s a big one. I make much better decisions, with creative solutions spontaneously popping into my head. And I feel calmer and not as impatient with a certain man I live with, saving the high price of marriage counseling. In other words, I’m just nicer to be around. Even I don’t mind me. The best perk of all is looking younger. Those furrowed brows and dark circles can add years to your appearance.

Experts say fatigue is epidemic... with most of us going through our days rather zombie-like, or as the pros put it, “chronically sleep deprived”. Surprisingly, a huge number of car accidents are caused by fatigue. http://drowsydriving.org/about/facts-and-stats/ The trouble is we don’t even recognize how exhausted we are because we’re so used going through our days with less than we need. Bodies adapt.

If you’re working full time, changing the way you use your lunch hours will make a difference in the rest of your day... and the mood you end up bringing home by the end of it. Instead of cramming down a bite and cramming in an errand, maybe find a place to close your eyes for 20 min. midday whenever you can.

I know this suggestion won’t sit well if your bedroom doubles as an office or entertainment center, but it is the most important room in the house, so try looking at it with new eyes. Setting it up for sleeping and libido ONLY means striving for a calmer environment: no TV, no computer, no clutter. And of course a great pillow, or at least a non-scuzzy one. Also, the bath addict in me can’t help recommending a hot soak at the end of the day to relax body and mind before bed.

Amazing how such eye-opening benefits are all about keeping your eyes closed.

Books Simplify Gift Giving

2011-12-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

Giving a soft pair of pajamas is the ultimate gift in my mind, but I’m partial. I want everyone to feel as comfy cozy as me when they’re just hanging around the house. Think about it, though. A book doesn’t get threadbare or pilly in the dryer, you don’t have to worry about which color or size to buy, and it costs much less. If you stick to books for everyone on your list, the only decision to make is what subject they’d all like to read about. And when you think about it, decisions and mall madness are probably the main cause of so much stress this time of year. One year I found unique books for everyone at the used bookstore in town.

Slowly browsing the shelves and tables in a bookstore gives you ideas you hadn’t thought of before, and you can just order any title you don’t find. They're very efficient at this. I know this bucks the online ordering and e-book trend, but there really is nothing like brick and mortar, where one stack always beckons you to peek at another just around the corner. Non-fiction feeds your curiosity, fiction provides escape, and inspiration give us all the courage to change.

Finding a subject that a child on your list will love, and feeding it with words on a page, educates and fuels their imagination. Pointing them to the book path gives them a hunger and curiosity for what might be in all those other books. And jump starting their reading habit inevitably leads to a loyal library habit. Yea!

A reminder that my own book, A Patchwork of Comforts, makes a great gift for most of the adults on your list. To quote a review, “This unique book will take the sting out of even the worst day.” It’s a lighthearted look at the ways people comfort themselves and offers new ideas on how to deal with stress. A relaxing read and, well... comforting. My website www.carolwiseman.com offers a glimpse inside.

In spite of thrift shop donating, 50-year-old pajamas just can’t exist. (and would you want them to?) But wonderful old books are still out in the world, recycling themselves from home to home... from lap to lap.

Blue Plates Cut Calories

2011-11-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

Resistance to overeating is futile as the American tradition of holiday baking kicks in this month. It’s too late for tomorrow’s feast, but here’s a suggestion to help you get a grip on calories before the goodie vortex sucks you in: blue plates. This idea may seem weird at first, but my own - unintentional - clinical trial using brightly colored Fiesta Ware made a believer out of me. I wouldn’t have believed this “dietary phenomenon” if I hadn’t seen with my own eyes. In an effort to add some fun for company last year, I bought eight different colored, salad-sized, plates. I stack them on the counter, and then after dinner ask everyone to choose their favorite for dessert. Surprise surprise, blue is the one that’s usually left.

Even though blue is one of the most popular colors, it is the least appetizing. Apparently, it’s a well-known appetite suppressant and explains why the golden arches are all about the opposite, red and yellow. One theory is that it’s in our DNA because our ancestors equated blue and purple with spoiled or poisonous. Makes perfect sense to me. Isn’t it the color of that growing mass inside the forgotten container at the back of your fridge?

Even though my friend list on facebook is small, I’ve noticed a growing trend. Next to cute little pet pics, there is more and more food talk. There's recipe sharing, mouth-watering photos and descriptions of last night’s meal. Food is a higher priority then ever.

After facing the above combo today, I've decided not to use the blue-plate strategy for breakfast. I like eggs too much. You could try your own blue plate experiment because big calories lead to big stress. Let me know if it works for you.

Relieving Holiday Pressure

2011-11-11T11:43:00.000-08:00

On the heals of last week’s post on re-evaluating holiday traditions, I encourage you to stop and think before shifting into your holiday auto-pilot. The economy this year guarantees that we all enter the season more stressed than ever, and this alone demands a change in outlook... if we want to keep our sanity, that is.

To be avoided if possible: perfect gifts, kitchen slavery, pretending you’re happy when you’re not. There are those who love love love the holidays, and I love love love going to their perfectly decorated homes for cheer, but more common than you know is viewing the coming month with dread. Talk about pressure. Let’s see, there’s turkey with the in-laws, fighting for a parking space at the mall, travel plans to family, gift decisions, holiday drinking followed by morning regrets, money to pay for it all, time to do it all, and the big one, sadness over those you’ve lost the previous year. The list is long of potential stressors, and different for everyone, but reality is clear: Nov. and Dec. can make you crazy.

Trying to conform to what’s expected can work against your health and is vastly over-rated. Trying to relax and enjoy lets sleep, your best ally, work it's magic. And don’t forget to breathe.... or put a bird on your head. (my son and Vino Verde)

Re-evaluate Your Traditions

2011-11-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

“Friends and family” is a familiar phrase, especially after holiday advertising kicks in every year come November. But not everyone has someone dear to share this manufactured ideal with during the holidays. I remember vividly the year my husband and I were alone for the first time on the U. S. National Day of Gorging. The children were grown and had their own plans, which was a progression we embraced, but suddenly we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Family tradition was interrupted and it seemed weird at first. Recovery, however, was swift when we found a turkey buffet in town and discovered a great tradition that hoards of people already knew. It was a vivid reminder that being together at certain, designated times does not define our love for one another. Being locked into an unwavering tradition doesn’t take into account current circumstances like time off work, finances, family situation, AND desire. Change is constant so re-evaluation seems perfectly logical. Simplifying expectations will make sure the days ahead will have less stress and more pleasure for you.

Not everyone has family or friends that can or even want to spend time together. Media make it look like everyone is enjoying these heartfelt moments and memories, but real people often feel very alone. All those scenes of family toasting, talking and laughing together only accentuates the aloneness. If you know anyone whose spirits seem to going downward this month or has experienced a major loss this year, maybe you can reach out in some way. If not an invitation, a warm smile goes a long way. I know you’re crazy-busy lately, but feeling alone is magnified when you’re literally bulldozed by that “getting together with friends” message. Making their season better will surely make your season better. Just a little holiday tweak.

Lighten Up

2011-10-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

Humor is mandatory... for satisfying relationships, for peace of mind, to survive the hardships and losses throughout our lives. For the sake of our sanity, humor is worth some “serious” contemplation. Even though I’m tech-challenged, I’m grateful for all the Facebookers and e-mailers who post links that make me laugh out loud. Starting the day off with humor jumpstarts my funny bone and influences how I see the day in front of me. I swear.

Laughter is the ideal stress manager. It’s free, convenient and beneficial to your health. Just think about it. Physically, it works the body and boosts the immune system. Cardiovascular systems dilate, reducing blood pressure and heart rate. Natural painkillers - endorphins - increase with a good belly laugh while diaphragm, abs and all nearby innards get massaged. Emotionally, humor is a distraction that can switch your focus from the negative like anger or fear to a more lighthearted, positive perspective. And socially, laughter connects us with others; it’s contagious after all.

My mother, who'd laugh at being pictured here in my Blog, makes my case. She was laughing ‘til her end, at 98. Try choosing from the Comedy section when you rent your next movie from Netflix. Or browse around YouTube. You owe it to your body because bottom line: humor helps you deal, period.

Cashration:) the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent.

Combat Stress with Pajamas

2011-10-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

My husband and daughter
having coffee together

Halloween is a perfect time to exploit your not-so-serious-side. When I look back at my life, lots of stress would have been avoided if I hadn’t taken myself so seriously. Lightening up is difficult when there are so many decisions to make every day, but here’s a simple - surprising - way to get started: PAJAMAS. Relief, then relaxation, is instant when you shed everything that binds at the end of the day.(Ladies, think elastic!!!) A relaxed face smiles more. A relaxed brain lets down its guard.

Pajama lesson #1: Make sure they are “presentable” so you don’t look homeless... in your home. (Be kind to the family who has to look at you!) The more you get used to functioning around the house in pjs, the more you’ll think of them as a critical part of your wardrobe. The space assigned to my pajamas has gradually increased over the years. From wadded up in the corner somewhere, to a whole drawer filled with a variety of good choices for the day, or the occasion. It’s a habit that’s hard to develop, but there’s no going back once it sticks.

Pajama lesson #2: Make sure to add silly to that drawer; laughing helps you relax even more than taking off your underwear. As you can see, ridiculous pajama bottoms automatically add whimsy to your life, and thrift shops are full of wild choices guaranteed to make you and your family smile. Retail is OK, but thrifting is more fun. Silly at home is essential since most adults are too self-conscience to display their playful side in public.

I invite you to consider pajamas like you’ve never considered pajamas before. Changing into this comfort at the end of the day might just be the key to lowering the stress level that keeps you awake at night. The pajama-habit is cheap and a good beginning.

View "Free Time" as Productive

2011-10-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Tom Trimbath and I rockin'

One of my readers gave me this tip, which I didn’t think I needed. But I do. I’m realizing more and more that I start each day with this question in my head “What do I have to do today?” This perspective automatically pushes anything pleasurable to the bottom of the list. I learned, like so many others, that work always comes before pleasure... Work Ethic 101.

The constant busyness, and all the fallout that entails with our health and relationships, seems to be Work Ethic run amok. I actively work against it because I strive to be healthy. Face it, it feels good to feel good.

The trick is to trick your brain by changing your perspective about being “idle”. If you view free time as productive time, you won’t feel guilty and get busy again. This is, when you think about it, a valuable time because constant anxiety and stress on body and mind is killing us. At the very least, it creates a life that has little contentment or joy. Haven't you noticed that tense faces do not smile much? For the sake of your mental AND physical rejuvenation, consider planning free time right into your schedule like you do any other activity. I spend some of mine dancing. What a mood changer it is.

Fuel Your Body with the Good Stuff

2011-10-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yummy healthy party snack.
Caprese: mozzarella, tomato, basil.

The season of gluttony is approaching. It’s a subject I really didn’t want to address when I started writing tips for better living seven years ago, but food is such a huge part of everyone’s life that I cave occasionally. Having better health means feeling good, and feeling good will eliminate a big chunk of stress in your life.

For some reason a new resolve is building in my head these days: to treat my body with more respect. It works hard for me and I generally treat it pretty badly. Maybe it’s all those tempting potlucks over the summer. Or maybe it’s the constant food talk, health complaints and weight issues I hear about all the time. Whatever it is that caught my attention is sounding a very loud wake-up call. And I’m listening. Logically, it makes sense - better fuel in means better performance - but the yummy temptations all around us all the time diminish all logic.

Starting small is the secret to most successful changes in my life so here are my own baby steps to help us both: replace my afternoon cracker snack with a small handful of almonds and maybe an apple, eat less red meat, prepare larger portions of vegetables, and stop skipping lunch. I figure this last one would automatically mean smaller portions at dinner, yes? You’re on your own dealing with any sugar addiction because I’m lucky, eating just one cookie satisfies that dessert fix. Here’s a saying from a cooking class I once took: Eat like a king for breakfast, like a prince for lunch, and like a pauper for dinner. Seems like a good goal.

This I know for sure: if it isn’t in the kitchen, you can’t eat it. So, in theory, better marketing will lead to better health. Good luck to us.

Rethink Your Free Time - 9/11

2011-09-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

After lunch with a friend yesterday, I’ve been rethinking my priorities. She’s enjoying life and was stunned that I couldn’t remember the last time I did what I wanted to do instead of what I had to do. Filling free time with obligations, activities and tasks has become a habit that has snuck up on me over the years. Having a 9 to 5 or raising children cuts down on your choices, but there can still be free time to fill and choices to make. Our mothers taught us to make our beds, but when my then teenage daughter asked me “why?” I couldn’t think of a really good answer. Somehow, a clean house lost it’s importance from that moment on. Just think about how you spend your free time and make sure you’re getting some enjoyment along the way. I’m working on it.

Remember Flowers in Your Home - 8/11

2011-09-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

I measured the mammoth force of nature growing in my yard this morning; an incredible 10’ tall!!! The sunflower that’s forming on the top will probably be bigger than my head soon. I’m struck by how a simple flower can be such a mood-maker and offer this small goal to consider: try getting a little bouquet for your table or counter at least once a month. (two stems qualify). Put it on your calendar. This gesture will help brighten the days ahead if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or especially sad. And it always make a good mood even better. Flowers are so common that we often take them for granted and, of course, most of us are too busy to even remember to get them. Well... reminding you is my job.

Follow my New Blog - 8/11

2011-09-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

I can resist no longer. Along with updating my website, I am about to enter the world of blogging. I know.... I’m late. The truth is I’m not remotely geeky, but do not want to start resembling any kind of bah-humbug tech-curmudgeon!!! I will soon be asking you all to sign up for my new blog, which is where my Comfort Clues will appear. If you have enjoyed and benefited from my insights over the years, I hope to see you there. Stay tuned.

Vary Your Exercise Routine - 7/11

2011-09-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

I love to dance and recently hit a slick spot on the dance floor. Feet went flying and I was down in a split second. I hit hard but was lucky, hobbling away with bruising only... to my pelvis... and my dignity. It was a wakeup call that has re-motivated me to keep truckin’ with exercises that so easily get brushed aside in a busy life. (Sometimes you just don’t feel like it.) Luckily, I’ve been working on my core strength for awhile and suspect it the reason we didn’t have to call 911. I’m not avid about workouts, just tenacious. No gym membership, gas expense, or matching workout clothes. Just a corner in my house, in pajamas. Since I get bored so easily, my specific routine might help YOU set something up that you can live with. Relieving boredom minimizes procrastination, so every day is different: Mon/Thurs. is upper body (arms, shoulders, back), Tue/Fri. is lower (legs, hips, butt, abs). Wed. and weekends are break days. This slow and steady routine just saved my butt.... literally.

Open Fridge to Simplify Dinner - 6/11

2011-09-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

I’ve had a shift in kitchen-thinking lately. Brought on by my growing discontent with this responsibility, I now start this process by opening the frig to view the contents BEFORE wrestling with the decision on what to prepare. Is there some way these leftovers can be combined into a Carol Creation? Every time I can do this I save money, get a kitchen break, and occasionally run across something that begs to be repeated. Let’s see, last night I discovered leftover sausage links, spaghetti sauce, brown rice and tofu. Surprise surprise, it worked, all in the same pan. My conscience dictates that a veggie is added, and throwing in a big handful of frozen peas does the trick. I’m happy to report that sometimes there are ways to alter the responsibilities that we so often blindly accept over the years. Climbing out of your rut and simplifying is often step #1.

Break Out of Work Mode - 6/11

2011-09-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

There’s no getting around it, I am stupid. How else can you explain my recent decision to pull weeds instead of go to the beach. When faced with a rare and glorious weather day, I automatically opted for work instead of pleasure. Weeding instead of wave watching. I know I’m not alone and believe that this habit, this insidious cultural “work ethic” can be modified. Perhaps a baby step will start the ball rolling. Decision: I will sip my wine tonight outside watching birds instead of broadcast news. Whatever your choice--wine/tea/pretzels/grapes--consider taking a baby step of your own to break out of that constant work mode. You deserve it.

What Stresses You? - 5/11

2011-09-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve been sick for a week, which seems like two, and it’s given me time to think. For six years I’ve been suggesting ways to improve your lives. My qualification? I am a prudent student of human behavior and see a sea of misery around me every day. The stress of leading lives that are filled to the brim is slowly eating away at us, both physically and emotionally. For six years I’ve presumed what many of you need. But how do I really know? The truth is I need to know the stresses you, personally, face in order to give you anything that can be practically incorporated into your life. Addressing your needs will surely touch the others. Please tell me what area of your life is the most stressful. Even one word will help me talk about the right stuff. Give ME a clue. Talk to me,

Mother's Day Regrets - 4/11

2011-09-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

This year’s Mother’s Day is especially important to me because it’s my first without a mom. Oddly, even at this age it still feels weird to not have my mom. But I’m lucky to be facing the Day with smiles instead of tears.... I hope. I didn’t have regrets -- like things left unsaid -- to feel guilty about or to prolong my grief. I knew she was done with living, and in the end I was happy that she was happy. In case you don’t connect with your mom on the regular basis, in 10 days you’ll have a good excuse to make up for it in a meaningful way. I realize that many of you don’t have good relationships, if any, with your moms. But for those of you who do? You don’t want to have regrets... it will only add to your stress.

Notice Those Around You - 4/11

2011-09-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw the movie Another Year. It struck me afterwards how much I take my life, and the people in it, for granted. Here is an entire movie about, by American standards, nothing. A low-key British film filled with low talk, silences, and lots of eye acting. A contented couple are the emotional anchor for a group of friends and family leading miserable lives. No car chases, violence or foul mouths and, best of all, no “beautiful Hollywood people”. It all seemed so real I’m wondering now how many people I know who might be coping and hiding it. Maybe I’ve been too busy to notice. Or maybe I just haven’t asked and waited long enough for the answer. Oddly, I feel calmer and more determined than ever to simplify my life. It’s the only way to start paying more attention.... to everything you do and to the people you care about most. This translates to doing everything better, more satisfying relationships, and more contentment about your niche in life. Who wouldn’t want that?

Paint a Wall - 3/11

2011-09-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

Paint, ahh, paint. Could there be a better way to transform a space? I’d forgotten what a mood alter-er color was until I painted over the dark paneling in my kitchen. The transformation is a miracle. My tiny kitchen not only looks 100% better, the space feels larger and more inviting. Might just start cooking again!! I know painting takes time and is a pain -- the furniture moving, the tarping, the inconvenience, the cleanup, repairing the goofs. However... it’s always worth it. I urge you to carve out some time to think seriously about your living space, especially the parts you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable in. Take your time selecting just the right color, whether it’s for the whole room or just one wall. I can tell you for sure that going from dark to light really lifts you up. Mood is everything!

Loss Triggers Profound Sadness - 3/11

2011-09-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote a book about grief because there were so many visitors to my website looking for comfort from a significant loss, which is so much more than through the death of a loved one. Other losses in life are profound and often trigger some depression. Here are a few you might not have considered and might apply to you: loss of a job or home, a cherished relationship, good health, lifestyle, or even a lifelong dream. And here’s a big one, our youth. So many people suffer this sadness in silence, not wanting to bother anyone, but consider reaching out and letting someone know how you feel. Just being able to share a little of your sadness will be a huge relief for you. The good news is that I’ve found a publisher for mynew book. Getting a book published is like a very long pregnancy, but I’m trying to see it as a good opportunity to practice the ultimate patience that I aspire to, and so often talk about here. More about that later.

Start an Anti-Busy Campaign - 2/11

2011-09-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Can someone please start an an anti-busy campaign? There IS something called the Slow Movement in Europe but, by definition, it’s not made significant progress across the pond yet. Today I revisited the website of Carl Honoré, author of In Praise of Slow and Under Pressure. Reading his book and brilliant articles on slowing down reminded me how seldom I’m taking my own advice lately. The number of obligations in my life have become a runaway train, and the critical mass is robbing my sleep and clouding my judgment. Being in constant motion often means being preoccupied with all the obligations in front of us. In fact, I’m having a hard time right now even composing this little paragraph. Time to start making more blank days on the calendar. Care to join me?

List Your Positives on Paper - 2/11

2011-09-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

I took a tumble recently and twisted my ankle. Turning this lemon into lemonade has finally taken hold after a week of pity parties. Remember, I love to dance! In an effort to pull myself up, I actually sat down with a piece of paper and listed all the positive things about my own life that I could think of. It was obvious by the end how much I take most of them for granted, and how easily I let the negative stuff take over. A great exercise and reminder of how trivial gripes can be. The calm was instant.

Matching Pillows be Gone - 1/11

2011-09-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Do you have “special” dishes in the cupboard that come out only when company comes? Do you nag your children to clean their room so your visitors won’t think evil thoughts? Is the living room furniture, and pillows, arranged just so in case someone rings the bell? Most homes I’ve ever been in reflect this urge. But who’s the most important here? Visitors.... or your own family? Realizing that most of my guests actually preferred that lived-in feeling woke me up years ago, and I’ve been striving to unmatch stuff ever since. Think of all the money I’ve saved by filling my home with an eclectic mix of things my family and I like instead of what’s expected in that perfect, decorator world of TV and big business. I’m always scratching my head when I hear women apologizing for “the mess” when I come over, because what they refer to as mess is what makes me feel welcomed and right at home. Besides, aren’t those matching pillows always in the way?

Use the "Delete" Key More - 1/11

2011-09-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Three ways to start the new year off right: pay bills, cull emails, clean off desk. You might think these are just a feel-good exercise, but that’s 90% of the lifestyle battle. Starting fresh, if only in my mind, compels a deep breath and a more hopeful attitude for the next year. Clearing the clutter off my desk clears clutter from my mind, not to mention discovering promises and tasks that have become buried over time. MY habit of keeping pieces of paper for fear that I might miss out on some divine opportunity means the pile is deep. Websites, notes to self, book titles, community events, phone numbers, blah blah blah. This same idea applies to emails. Who can find past emails when there are 100, “important” notes stuffing your electronic inbox. I wiped my slate clean -- delete, delete, delete -- and good things have already started to happen.

"Free Time" is Productive - 9/11

2011-09-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

Tom Trimbath and I rockin'

Fill Holiday with Comforts - 12/10

2010-12-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

Try to fill your holiday weekend with comforts... for yourself if you’re alone, for your family if they’re coming over, for your friends if you share Christmas with them. A whole day with no obligations happens to be my own Santa wish.

Small Gifts Pay Off Big - 12/10

2010-12-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

Every year I rack my brain for the “perfect” gift for everyone in my family: What do they really really want? What do they need? What will make them happy? This year, for the first time, I realized that this mental attitude is what stresses me out most. I mere tweaking of the way I’d been thinking all my life has made all the difference in the world. Don’t you just love those “aha” moments? Lightbulb: a gift doesn’t have to be perfect! Concentrating on smaller gifts that will simply make those you care about smile takes the pressure off and is usually kinder to your budget AND your blood pressure. Thinking small pays off big.

Adopt an Thanksgiving Orphan - 11/10

2010-12-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the spirit of the holiday ahead, I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for joining my Comfort Clue group. Thank you for joining those of us who strive to painlessly improve the quality of our lives. Changing the way you've done things for years is hard, but regular reminders make it easier. Sending you Clues every two weeks is my way of keeping you on track, nudging you inch by inch toward making positive changes so you can start enjoying your life more. A word about your turkey day coming up: With the media and advertising focus on THE family dinner, it’s hard not to feel lonely when none of it applies to you. Thinking beyond our own families and including “orphans” this year will help us all get more of that family feel. And making their season better will make your season better.

Recycle Paper Into Note Pads - 11/10

2010-12-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

Here's a practical idea that will make your daily life easier. I've been a veteran list maker for years, discovering the value of notes to myself long ago. So many times I'm in one room when I have a thought I need to remember, and by the time I get to the room with note pads or the dry erase board.... gone from my head. Placing a pad and pencil in these three key "idea" locations has helped capture these fleeting, but important, thoughts: the bathroom, by the phone, and on a side table where I have my morning coffee. Your locations will probably be different. Years ago I began saving printer paper with only one side used. When the stack gets to be about ream size, my local copy store glues and cuts it into pads. A 3" stack of letter size paper cuts nicely into fours, and makes 18 pads that are 1/2" high. Just the right size. The cost for me is about 80 cents each, AND I feel great recycling in my own home. In a busy life, lists rule

My Little Book is a Great Gift - 10/10

2010-12-31T19:28:00.000-08:00

I know it’s only Oct., but Dec. seems to come, in my own mind, about two weeks after school starts in Sept. I can’t explain why this time of year whizzes by so fast. With this in mind -- at least in my own -- I wanted to add some comfort to your life by making gift giving easier this year. There’s a little book I know — MINE — that I’ve been told makes a great holiday gift. (I once knew someone who bought six, for all his adult family members.) Maybe a quote from the book jacket will help you decide, “With stories and insights that welcome and inspire, Carol Wiseman’s collection of everyday comforts will open your heart, soothe your mind, and help you discover a saner, more balanced and satisfying life.” If you crave some comfort and a chuckle, treat yourself or someone you care about with these ideas for getting more pleasure out of life. I guarantee, there is something in Patchwork to make everyone smile. Besides, it’s a small book that’s easy to mail or tuck it into a stocking! It’s the perfect gift for a busy someone, and you won’t have to wrench your brain this year for gift ideas.

Do Only What Really Matters - 10/10

2010-12-31T19:23:00.000-08:00

I’m a writer who isn’t writing. I’ve moved twice in the past six years and could blame it on that, but the truth is I’ve let it happen. All those obligations and activities that “come up” rule my life, until the squeaky wheels get all of me. At the time it felt like I had no choice -- and sometimes I didn’t -- but mostly I just didn’t think about it. I got up early on Monday, sat in the dark sipping a morning favorite and thought about all that filled my days, which wasn’t what I wanted to fill my days. Thirty minutes later, the last priority had moved to third position and two things had dropped off. The first two, family and job, have to remain at the top; but your time and your sanity, are too valuable to keep “not doing” the things that matter most to you. Change can happen in 30 minutes if you pause.

Weed Out Your Closet - 9/10

2010-12-31T19:21:00.000-08:00

Packing for a trip is always a wrenching decision making process for me. Because I only want to take one suitcase, I always think carefully about outfits and matching and looking halfway decent when I get there. Have you ever noticed that it’s only the “good” stuff that you fold so carefully into your suitcase? After all, who takes baggy? Who takes stained? Today as I look at the little piles of my favorites all over my bed, I’m asking myself why these selections are only 10% of my closet? Answer: The other 90% is “it’s good enough to wear at home” stuff. Work clothes don’t count, of course, since those are often in another category, but think about reevaluating the clothes you wear around the house (especially if you live with your love). Your local thrift shop will love your new perspective on wardrobe weeding. Start another bag!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - 9/10

2010-12-31T19:19:00.000-08:00

Last week I revisited the small book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and it spoke to me..... again. Richard Carlson wrote it 13 years, but my life and my perspective have changed since then. His insightful, universal truths are so pertinent to everyday living — with a calmer, healthier existence as his goal — that its wake-up call will benefit everyone who adds it to their bookshelf. Every page is a reminder of how far I’ve let my life stray from what’s truly important. The subtitle, Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over your Life, makes this little book a wake-up call I’ve decided to treat myself to on a regular basis. In fact, it’s a good addition to the things I’ve already started to do on my birthday every year to take care of myself: annual checkup, mammogram, massage and, lately, a facial. Love that.

Strenghthen Your Back - 8/10

2010-12-31T19:18:00.000-08:00

I realized recently how much my physical life has changed since I started strengthening my back... and my backside. I no longer have to call for help when the urge to shuffle furniture hits. I never have back pain like so many people I know, and my posture is much better. You may not know why you know someone is over a “certain” age; often their back is beginning to sag and curve forward. Having a strong back is so much more important than I ever imagined, especially when so many of you are sitting at a computer all day. Even walking is easier. Here’s a simple start: Pretend you’re doing a push-up, (arms straight or from your elbows) and just hold that position without moving for as long as you can. Work up to one minute. Keeping your back from sagging down is hard at first, but it will get easier. The rewards of a strong back make it worth it.

Skipping Meals Won't Do It - 8/10

2010-12-31T19:16:00.000-08:00

I’m amazed by the number of people I meet who skip breakfast because I lovelovelove this meal. I realize that this eat-less approach makes sense when the focus is cutting calories, but there’s more to it than this. Skipping meals triggers your body into “starvation” mode, which means conserving the calories it already has for what it thinks is ahead. A good meal at the start of the day gives your body time to burn it off before bed. I try hard to remember a phrase from a cooking class I took once, “Eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a pauper for dinner.” Another simple trick is switching to open-faced sandwiches. As a child I remember thinking my mom was weird for doing this and figured it was an old lady thing. Who ever heard of a sandwich without two pieces of bread? However.... redefining the concept of “sandwich” is something to consider if you’re having a hard time shedding weight. Just think about it: If instead of spreading a thin layer of tuna between two slices of bread, you heaped a single slice with 3 times the amount, you’d get twice the protein, half the carbs. And you still get your sandwich.

Email Stifles Human Connection - 7/10

2010-12-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

Email is so easy and convenient. I loathe phone tag and realized years ago that no one was ever at home when I called. They were either at work or filling their off-time with activities they didn’t have time for because they were at work. Communicating via my computer meant never having to play that game again. Yea! Sadly, I’m now so dependent on it that I don’t use the phone much anymore. Feeling annoyed when I’d meet someone who was not a “computer person” woke me up. This is nuts. Between email, texting, facebook, and whatever electronics we’re all using to communicate, we’re talking more than ever but are lonelier than ever. That human connection counts for more than you realize. Note to self: pick up the phone!

Prepare for Last Minute Picnics - 7/10

2010-12-31T19:10:00.000-08:00

Often when I talk to my son, he's just gone on a picnic with his honey. Always with a bottle of wine, a hunk of cheese and some great bread. The pleasure of this simple activity has only just begun to sink in to this "nose to the grindstone" person. I used to do it all the time on the beach, but stopped years ago because it was just easier to eat at the table, near the kitchen. Guess I got old. But just think about it for a minute -- sitting outside, eating fun food with someone you like, in a place that you enjoy. This forced nature break is therapy at it's finest. Of course weather-wise, this has to happen at different times in different parts of the country. If romance isn't on your mind, include the kids or ask a friend. The secret, I've decided, is keeping the fixin's in the frig, because you never know when time and the weather will permit. My start was to buy a special tablecloth for the occasion and keep it in plain view as a reminder. I'm ready!

Set Limits Before Volunteering - 6/10

2010-12-31T19:08:00.000-08:00

It happened to me again. I volunteer to do something small because I want to help. Pretty soon I’m spending way more time than I had intended. In fact, my brain is so full of this organization’s problems that I haven’t had time lately for my first love, writing. And this fact took a long while to sink in. Since community service of some kind is so important for us all to consider, I have a thought that applies no matter how or how much you volunteer your time. Decide on your boundaries BEFORE you say “yes”. How much time can you give without compromising you or those you care most about? Doing it ahead might keep you in the beginning from getting overwhelmed in the end.

Help Someone Going Thru Loss - 6/10

2010-12-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

It's easy to get swept away by a little sunshine if you live in the Pacific Northwest; it's so gray and wet much of the time. The sun is an obvious mood lifter under normal circumstances, but I was reminded recently that grief doesn't care about the weather. The sun doesn't make the pain go away. The death of a loved one is major, but there are many other kinds of losses that you and the people in your life have to cope with all the time. Sadly, sadness is something that people often keep hidden from their friends and family. They don't want to burden others or they don't want anyone to know they can't handle their own life. Profound sadness can be debilitating, so if you know someone who might be coping with a major loss in their life, consider reaching out just to listen. You don't have to solve their problem, they just need someone to hear their pain. A little sunshine might not hurt either.

Take a Brain Break With Nature - 5/10

2010-12-31T19:03:00.000-08:00

Blame it on the weather or.... just another version of “the dog ate my homework.” This Clue is late because I’ve been digging weeds and can’t pull my eyes away from watching my yard bloom. Here in the Pacific Northwest, where the weather changes every 15 minutes, we wait longingly for spring to hatch. Fabulous sunny days are punctuated with cloudy, windy ones. Or is it the reverse? I’ve spent so much of my life buried in responsibilities, tasks and emotional stress that I’m now determined to start taking advantage of the natural stress relief of nature. I know it’s hard to make flowers and bushes and birdies a priority when you’re still commuting, working all day, parenting, tending your house, and scheduling mandatory activities in between. HOWEVER... you might be surprised by the tiny respite from stress you’ll get by enjoying a flower or two, even if it’s just for five minutes. Better yet is a vase full on the table. Sadly, that usually costs $$$, so look around outside and give your brain a little rest.

The Perfect Mother's Day Gift - 4/10

2010-12-31T16:31:00.000-08:00

Today was “another” wake up call. I was reminded of how important it is to take the time to revel in my fortunes more often. Sadly, I’ve frequently let accumulating activities and obligations overshadow the value of the friendships in my life. More fallout of a too-busy life. This morning I discovered that a friend had broadcasted a message about my book on Facebook, urging her friends to buy it for Mother’s Day. She said, “It’s perfect for Mother’s Day. Just browsing through the ideas is relaxing.” It was to be my next Comfort Clue, but she beat me to it. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks, Carol P.

My Advice: Eclectic Mix - 4/10

2010-12-31T16:29:00.000-08:00

My Comfort Clue anniversary has just passed. Amazingly, my hints for better living have been coming to you for five years now. If you’ve been with me since the beginning, your life must be all straightened out by now... ha... Making changes when your life is already so busy takes high motivation, but that’s what I’m here for. Please consider taking an extra 30 minutes to review past Clues on my website. The simple suggestions I’ve offered over the last five years is a wild mix: from butt building to bird watching, from grief relief to stashing cash. I’ve asked you to laugh more, de-clutter, get a better pillow, and be kinder to yourself. It might seem like I’m beating you over the head with it, but my core message--to slow down and simplify-- is the key to easing stress and enjoying your life more.

Walk More Effectively - 4/10

2010-12-31T16:27:00.000-08:00

I know, it’s easy. Just put one foot in front of the other. Well, not if you only walk a mile 4 times a week, like I do. I need to get the “biggest bang for my buck”. Surprisingly, this means paying attention to what my body’s doing pretty much the whole way. Getting better posture and pace has meant changing lots of old habits, which die very very hard. Let’s see, chest lifted as if it’s being suspended from above, toes pointed straight ahead, shoulders down and relaxed. Keeping my eyes straight ahead, and not looking down at the street, helps keep my chin down and neck better aligned with my spine. A hint about hills: A consistent pace keeps your heart rate up, so if you shorten your stride when you come to an incline, you won’t have to slow down. Just like gearing down. Remember how first gear on a bike means pedaling twice as much, but makes the hills easier? After new habits take hold, you can start enjoying the scenery again.

Gather Sentimental Clutter - 3/10

2010-12-31T16:26:00.000-08:00

I’ve harped on clearing your clutter over the years because I believe it’s an important step to simplifying your life and reducing stress. Deciding what to do with extra stuff, or even recognizing that it as extra, is difficult. You don’t even notice it any more after looking at it for years. There’s no doubt that de-cluttering takes effort. And sentimental clutter is hardest of all... to sort through, to part with. The person who gave it to you is dear. Or you feel like getting rid of it is like getting rid of them. Here’s another perspective for you to consider: By cluttering your living space with things not pertinent in YOUR life, you are honoring others instead of yourself. One solution is to gather up sentimental favorites and choose a place - maybe a special cabinet or chest. This way you can visit occasionally without having to part ways. Your living space is clearer, but your heart is still intact.

Laughter Helps With Grief - 3/10

2010-12-31T16:24:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your responses. This I now know for certain: many of you are coping with grief. Unfortunately, like a cold, there’s really no way around it. Fortunately, you’re not alone; loss is something we all have in common. Most major changes in life carry with them the feeling of loss... of the way it used to be. Adjustment is very hard, but everyone has to eventually cope with this heartache, through the death of moms and dads and children and mates and grandparents and friends and.... beloved pets. This I also know for certain; there are no rules. Everyone deals with grief differently. There is no wrong way to react. The profound sadness might mellow in time, but the memory of “then” can lurk around and suddenly loom like it was yesterday. It might seem frivolous in light of such sadness, but it’s been proven: laughter can offer you relief when even one minute counts. I’ve heard from many grateful friends over the years after I sent them a humorous card in the midst of a really awful time. Consider visiting your local, humorous, greeting card rack. Laughing is mandatory there.

What Do You Need? - 2/10

2010-12-31T16:22:00.000-08:00

There’s a TV show I love called Dirty Jobs. At the end of each episode the guy who gets very down and very dirty, Mike Rowe, asks the audience for more ideas in order to keep the show going. My Comfort Clues are coming up on their 5th year, and I often wonder if they are hitting home with most of you. My goal has always been to help you get more pleasure out of life, which usually involves simplifying, slowing down and de-stressing. To that end, I follow Mike’s lead. “I’ve thrown out 123 ideas over the past 5 years, but I’m sure there is some important stuff I’ve overlooked. The only way I can help you with your stuff is for you to let me know what your stuff is. Write to me with your ideas. We want to keep this show going!”

V-Day a Great Reminder - 2/10

2010-12-31T16:21:00.000-08:00

Media hype insists we couple. This overblown emphasis makes those of us without loving relationships to celebrate feel extra lonely as the sea of red hearts start to close in this week. I have a single friend who told me recently that it was the worst day of the year for him. Maybe you can think of a neighbor or someone you know who would appreciate a personal pick-me-up... a card, phone call, or a spontaneous visit. Valentine’s Day automatically reminds us how important love is in our lives, but the emphasis on romance is only part of the story. Remember to let your children, grandchildren, mom&dad, or close friend know how much they mean to you. Even if you think the people you cherish know how you feel -- and they might not -- it feels so good to be reminded. There are more people than you realize who feel alone.

Taking a Break From the Kitchen - 1/10

2010-12-31T16:20:00.000-08:00

Here’s a practical tip that will make your kitchen life easier. I know you “cooks” will be resistant, but many of us don’t have the time, don’t want to spend the time, or are suffering from kitchen burn out. I saw a sign on a restaurant once, “We give our chef a night off once a week. Doesn’t your wife deserve the same?” and the sentiment stuck with me. Get-Your- Own Night” started in our home when my children were teenagers, and it’s still my kitchen credo. The idea is for everyone to fend for themselves one night a week. This works better if you keep leftovers in the frig; however, there’s always fruit, nuts, cheese, cereal, or the can opener to get creative with. Start as young as you want, but remember to keep an open mind about what your 8-year old is concocting. Know what I’m saying?

Computer User Groups, Yea! - 1/10

2010-12-31T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am borderline computer literate and still panic when something goes wrong. Twice in the last month MS Word quit suddenly and I lost documents I had spent hours creating. Grrrr... My solution recently was to join a local User Group. Even small towns have groups of super geeks who live and breathe computers, and love a glitch to ponder. This challenge to them is like candy to you. The harder the better. Even if you’re solid in your knowledge but would like to connect with other geniuses, there’s probably a User Group close by. My wonderful group has graciously saved my hide many times. Two things to remember before you go: There are no stupid questions, and “Save early. Save often.”

Help Someone Going Thru Loss - 6/10

2010-12-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

Right Walking Takes Thought - 1/09

2009-12-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

Walking is common. You’ve been doing it since you were one, so what’s to know when you’re doing it for exercise? Well, walking to get your heart rate up is different than walking for pleasure. It’s hard not to get distracted by people and birds and flowers in bloom, but that’s a separate walk. Walking for your heart and calorie burn takes focus at first. I’ve been making much more progress since I started thinking about what I was doing instead the brainwork that came automatically, like planning the day ahead or mulling over yesterday. When my brain was engaged my eyes gravitated down to the street in front of my feet instead straight ahead. And when my head was pitched downward, my chest followed, giving me that slumpy look. The biggest surprise was a nuance that’s important; walking forward “into” your stride feels different than flopping your feet out first, which is usual strolling mode. Lastly, consider your shoes. Personally, I always buy running shoes because of the lighter weight and heel cushioning. Good luck on your next walk!

Slower Means Better - 1/09

2009-12-31T20:41:00.000-08:00

I’ve actually clocked it. The difference in time it takes me to do something in a hurry vs. doing it slowly is miniscule. I’ve discovered over the years that the results of moving fast and efficiently is merely an illusion that ends up feeding migraines, anger, crankiness, and lots of mishaps. Basically, hasting and wasting. Everyone’s seen it -- the car that’s dodging in and out of traffic to get there before you ends up two cars ahead at the signal. Same principle applies to most everything, and benefits are profound. Here’s some significant results in my own life: slower kitchen work means fewer cuts, burns, and broken dishes; slower movements in weight exercise builds bigger muscles; more thoughtful paperwork means fewer mistakes at work; slower driving means, well, you know; the list goes on. Most of all, moving fast through your life creates mega stress for you AND your family. When that subsides, your brain relaxes and starts thinking more clearly, about everything. What’s amazing is that you suddenly notice stuff you never saw when your brain was flooded with so much time pressure. This is important.

Clear Your Decks for Jan 1 - 12/09

2009-12-31T10:14:00.000-08:00

Another new year is looming. I try to set Jan. 1 apart in my mind because seeing it as a beginning gives me hope that things just might get better from then on. Dec. 31 could be like garbage day. You’ve been bagging it up for 12 months and it finally gets hauled away. Symbolically, the new year is a chance to start fresh, like when you cross off the last chore on your list. Whew! It’s sooo easy to get stuck in doing life as usual that I challenge you to change SOMETHING next year, just so you’ll know you’re moving forward. My own change will be to stop doing so many things that I don’t really want to do. My own life is full of that.

Improve Your Bedroom - 12/09

2009-12-31T10:10:00.000-08:00

I'm sleeping better than I have in years these days and can definitely tell the difference. I'm thinking more clearly, more creatively, and feeling less stress. Getting enough sleep will do wonders in helping you deal with the potential stresses of this holiday month. Here's what I did: totally cleaned/de-cluttered my bedroom, painted it a soft relaxing color, and hung something on the wall that makes me smile first thing in the morning. Your bedroom is the most important room in the house, so try looking at it with new eyes... ones that see a room for sleeping and libido ONLY. That means removing the TV, the computer, and getting rid of your beloved "stuff". It's work, but it's worth it. Oh, don't forget to wash that scuzzy pillow.

My Thanksgiving Thank You - 11/09

2009-12-31T10:08:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the spirit of the holiday ahead, I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for joining my Comfort Clue group. Thank you for joining those of us who strive to improve the quality of our lives through easy, do-able, baby steps. Changing the way you've done things for years is hard, but regular reminders make it easier. My goal is to help you buck the trend of mind-numbing busyness that you're surrounded by most of the time. It’s so darn easy to get caught up in it. Sending you Clues every two weeks is my way of keeping you on track, nudging you inch by inch toward making positive changes so you can start enjoying your life more. Hope it's workin' for ya!

Rev Up to Slow Down - 11/09

2009-12-31T10:07:00.000-08:00

I love to dance and am often surprised by my own stamina on the dance floor. I’ve given this a lot of thought lately and have come up with my very own acronym, REVSS. Rest, Exercise, Vittles, Stress, Slowdown. I occasionally hear comments about looking younger than I am, so I’ve whittled down my own good health to these five elements. Improved mental clarity after a good night’s sleep proves to me that adequate rest is vital. I’m faithful to an exercise regimen, go light on sweets and fat, and work at reducing stress wherever I can. Slowing down is a huge factor, both in the speed at which you do every task AND in the pace of your life in general. I know that all of this is easier said than done, especially if your life is full to the brim, and your hectic lifestyle defines the word "busy". But if you value your own body and peace of mind, consider revving up with REVSS. Cute, huh?

De-clutter for a Mental Lift - 10/09

2009-12-31T10:05:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. I'm like a dog working a favorite old bone. My bone? "Get rid of your stuff." I repeat this subject because it's so important to the quality of your life. I rank it third behind a good night's sleep, good eats, and exercise. Or, could be because my own stuff never seems to go away for long. I worry that it breeds. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't have more than they actually use, so I know it's hard to subtract. A nap looks mighty good after the mental drain of the decision-making it takes to "let go" of all your beloved stuff. But think about the many reasons that make de-cluttering worthwhile: Recycling to others via thrift shops and gifting is a way of giving back; Storage spaces aren't as crammed and jammed; There's less dust to breathe in and to remove; Finding something is easier; More elbow room around your living space is freeing; And, most importantly, the mental lift is surprising.

Retrieve Your Child - 9/09

2009-12-31T10:02:00.000-08:00

In helping to plan a Halloween dance this year, it became apparent to me how much our fun sides decline as we get older. I’m surprised by the number of people who have refused to come because they have to wear a costume. Isn’t that the funnest part? When did they become so staid and self-conscious? I’ve given it a lot of thought and have come to this conclusion: we’re all either taking ourselves too seriously, or the busyness we’ve adopted as our lifestyles is choking the playfulness right out of us. I challenge you to re-evaluate and re-activate that lighthearted approach to life you once had. Retrieve your child. Ignite your passion. Laugh.

Be Kind and Accept Help - 9/09

2009-12-31T09:59:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who travels frequently, and I take her to the bus that goes to the airport. She kept apologizing for any 7:00am departures until I asked her to reverse roles. Would she mind taking ME to the bus at 7:00am? Her answer? "Of course not." Consider all the times you could use help but don't ask because you don't want to seem weak, incapable, or to inconvenience anyone. Then reverse roles in your mind... and be kind. Think about how great you feel when you help someone out and give someone else the chance to experience that satisfaction. Learning to be a better receiver by accepting help will mean fewer backaches, more free time and, surprisingly, closer relationships.

Resisting Change is Futile - 9/09

2009-12-31T09:56:00.000-08:00

A visit from a couple of young children this weekend reminded me how important it is to keep up with what's new in kidland. Without children in the house - from tots to teens - it’s easy to lose touch with current trends and passions. This is important. People of a certain age commonly grumble about, and put down, new things that interest a younger generation than themselves. Living in the past is easy to come by no matter what your stage of life. For instance, young parents look back fondly at the freedom they had before babies, but weep when those same children get old enough to drive off to college. All of us are continually moving from one stage to the next, but I've noticed a difference in the mental, physical and emotional health of people who are accepting and tolerant of the changes they see. Change happens. And whether the stage that's passed for you is "Whew, it’s finally over!" or one you hate to see go, change is inevitable. Accepting it seems to bring a certain vibrancy to mind and body. Embracing instead of begrudging it is guaranteed to curb some of those pesky wrinkles.

Donating is Giving Back - 8/09

2009-12-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

I’ve tried everything. Garage sales, classifieds, Craig’s List, friends, and in the end... endless storage in the garage. And I discovered long ago that my children don’t really want my “leftovers,” no matter how wonderful I think they are. There is no doubt, releasing stuff you no longer need is hard, but I harp on de-cluttering because there’s no denying the mental health benefits of simplifying your environment. A friend’s comment this week hit me, “I consider donating to the thrift shop as doing my part in giving back to the community. It’s my charity contribution.” I’ve always loved thrift stores. Whereas I’ve always been grateful for the great stuff someone else donated, when it comes to parting with something I no longer need, I’m forever trying to get some money back. But think about it. If you paid $235 for a desk 20 years ago, you got to use it for $11.75 per year. If you apply this thinking to everything, just think how much easier it’ll be to let someone else enjoy it for 20 more. Try looking around. Maybe you can give back, while making your own life simpler.

Hair Liberation - 8/09

2009-12-31T09:51:00.000-08:00

This is a difficult Clue to write; I suspect I’m wasting my breath. After all, what woman do you know who DOESN’T color her hair? In creating Clues to help simplify the lives of the women on my mailing list, I reflected on how much time and money we spend over the years spraying, moussing, perming, blowing, curling, coloring, and whining. The fortune I’ve spent could have financed my own new car instead of my beautician’s. I hit the wall, and my decision to stop was difficult but oh so freeing. Bucking current fashion seems like a huge risk, but ask yourself What’s wrong with my own, natural hair? Or why is gray so bad? And why aren’t men so obsessed about their hair? The fretting and fawning and constant threat of bad hair days is mostly over for me. I do still control that wild animal look with mousse, but I’m happily amassing a gorgeous collection of barrettes and such. By the way, there’s a reason pony tails were invented.

Clutter Steals Your Energy - 7/09

2009-12-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Do you watch while the blank spaces in your home automatically fill up over the years? This spawning is so gradual that you hardly notice until.... bam, you're surrounded by "stuff". In trying to find a couple of AA batteries in the junk drawer last week, I came across a clever hand held device I bought 8 years ago to shave those little pills off a favorite sweater. Now I ask you, who REALLY needs this? Multiply this find times 100 and.... you see the problem. Experts say that the clutter surrounding you every day is stealing the energy you need to live a better life. I know downsizing is hard. I've tried it before. Letting go of possessions is a mental tug-o-war, but worth it. I started small, with one drawer, but I feel better already. When I closed that organized drawer I felt like taking a deep breath. See for yourself.

Exercise Commitment - 7/09

2009-12-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

Whenever the subject of exercising comes up, it inevitably includes the word “should”. Maybe because the whole idea seems bigger than it needs to be. For years I’ve just been walking down the hall to a spare room or spare space for half an hour 4 days a week.... in my pajama bottoms and t-shirt. Then I get dressed and walk around the neighborhood for 20 min. Wed. and weekends are off so boredom doesn’t set in, and my routine varies. Mon. and Thur. are for upper body. Tues. and Fri., lower. A bench and a few hand weights line the wall, but even those aren’t necessary. Secrets that makes exercising easier: back strengthening is a priority; doing every movement slowly, both up AND down, means fewer reps (less time, yea!); and don’t skip unless you absolutely have to. Small effort brings big changes. Amazingly, this Steady Eddie routine has made me stronger than I was 30 years ago.

Dads Need Hugs Too - 6/09

2009-12-31T09:46:00.000-08:00

I often wonder what would happen if Father’s Day was treated with half the media hoopla and respect as Mother’s Day. After all, they’re such experts at manipulating public opinion. While it’s true that moms usually take a more active role in child rearing, maybe raising the public bar would initiate a new mindset for us all and help men feel more valued in their parenting role. This catalyst might be all it takes for them to step into that nurturing role more often. I don’t know, just dreaming..... Even though they hide their emotions more, I think dads want pretty much the same thing as moms: to know they matter to the children in their lives. All your dad wants to know is that you’re thinking about him.

Art on the Porch - 6/09

2009-12-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

I know you can’t all do this, but hear me out. It’s something that I never thought would work myself. I had a favorite oil painting of my aunt’s years ago and no where to hang it in the house. It finally got hung it on the porch so visitors could then enjoy it when they rang the bell. Little did I know. 15 years in the elements has not harmed it one bit, and all it needs is a dusting every year. I recently moved and it fits nicely on my new porch, this time opposite the kitchen window so it’s visible from the sink. Visitors over the years have been amazed and welcomed by my porch art. Maybe you have something similar to welcome your guests with, or to perk up the otherwise mundane task of washing dishes. (Not a delicate watercolor, of course.) There is now something that makes me smile every morning when I open my blinds. I’ll be trying another piece out in the protected part of the back patio next.

Memorial Day More Than Soldiers - 5/09

2009-12-31T09:41:00.000-08:00

All over the U.S. this coming Monday, we will remember. Not only about the soldiers we’ve lost, but about all those other deaths we’ve had to live through over the years: moms and dads and grandparents and kids and mates and friends and, the list is endless. Adjustment to major loss is so hard, but this I know for sure; there are no rules. Oh, the profound sadness mellows in time, but the memory of “then” can sometimes loom like it was yesterday. If Memorial Day bring anguish for you, but you also want to honor your loved ones, here’s an idea to try. Set a time limit ahead of time. “I will spend 30 minutes tomorrow remembering, wallowing, or weeping.” Five minutes if the pain is too great. The trick is to decide ahead of time, so it’ll be easier to switch emotional gears when the time comes. Good luck and... remember to remembe

Moms, Celebrate Yourself - 5/09

2009-12-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

For those of you who were not on my Comfort Clue mailing list last year, I want to repeat it again this year. Besides I like it myself. If you’re lucky enough to still have your mom, don’t forget to connect this Sunday, if possible, with the woman who’s responsible for your being here. If you’re a mom, celebrate yourself for your most spectacular achievement so far--making another human being or two. Then, do whatever you love to do for the day. If you’re a dad, make sure your wife takes a recess from her responsibilities and just plays. I know this gets complicated what with divorces, step children, single parenting and such, but you know what I'm saying. Being pampered is the ultimate! Getting your consideration will mean the world because it lets her know she’s valued.

Overstuffed Brains Clog - 4/09

2009-12-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

It’s been the hardest lesson of my life, paying attention. I mean REALLY paying attention. Oh, I thought I was all along, but I realize now that I was constantly either thinking ahead to the NEXT thing, or about what already happened. Here’s what I know for sure: paying attention to the moment you’re in, the task or concern at hand, is nearly impossible when your brain is sooo full of thoughts all fighting for attention at the same time. You just can’t think straight. I know that the social pressure to cram your life with stuff and activities is staggering, and also very tempting. Try this: Picture your desk after a month of dumping mail on it every day. Pretty soon it’s a jumbled mess and you can’ find anything. The only answer is to start subtracting papers until you can find, and focus, on one at a time. Now picture your brain piled high with stuff to think about. Get it? Time to start subtracting.

Pass My Messages On - 4/09

2009-12-31T09:34:00.000-08:00

This time, instead of helping you, I’m asking that you help me. After four years of creating ways you could improve YOUR lifestyle through Comfort Clues, I’d appreciate you telling someone you know about them. By now you must’ve implemented a few choice changes into your own life and would be a great advocate. All 102 past Clues are archived on my website, so anyone interested can review them before they sign up. You’d be helping them AND me. Ya know, pass it forward. It’ll just take a minute!

Overeating and Regret - 3/09

2009-12-31T09:31:00.000-08:00

Groan, another potluck, another stomach ache. When will I learn. Luckily it was a small gathering. But still, with all that great food laid out in front of you, what’s a person to do? It’s like my brain shuts down and my arm gets stuck in “reach mode”. I know that being aware is half the battle-- with any changes you’re trying to make--so I’m hoping next time not to be such a glutton. Although, I’ve heard more than once that it takes being exposed 21 times to something before it really sinks in. I’m living proof, with my perpetual potluck predicament.

Good Sleep is Crucial - 3/09

2009-12-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

You probably don't think it's a big deal that last night, or last week, or your whole life, you laid awake for hours with your brain still buzzing. If you get used to going through your days on 5 hours of sleep, you wouldn't notice anything wrong. They say that the majority of us are sleep deprived and I can prove it. The difference in my mental state after a full night's sleep is huge. Simply put, I see the world differently. I'm in a better mood, calmer, and more positive about everything. Solutions actually start pop into my head and I have more patience. These noticeable changes prove to me the importance of sleep, of adequately resting my body and brain every single day. I try to remember that my bedroom is the most important room in the house and that sleep has to be it's main focus. A great pillow, soothing color, no tv, no computer, and great piece of art to wake up to. Flowers on the dresser would be good, but that's harder to remember. And cost too much if you don't have your own garden. I know that change is harder when you have young children or major worries using up all your energy but, trust me, moving "sleep" up on your priority list will be worth it.

Start Your Day With Calm - 2/09

2009-12-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

It’s hard to keep your spirits up these days. (I have a house for sale. Tell me about it.) And the feeding frenzy of TV news just fuels the fire. Think about this: The way you START the day can set the tone for the rest of it, so it makes sense that starting off in a funk might mean staying there longer. For your own sanity, think about a newsfast and music. Lately I’ve been replacing TV news and my usual rushing around with music that’s barely there, my current favorite, Essence by Peter Kater. Sitting still and listening to this for 10 min. in the morning has been incredibly calming. Apparently brain chaos begs to be interrupted with a rest, however brief, because ideas and solutions sometimes just pop into my head. And worries often seem smaller. I know time is hard to come by in the morning with work or children or the chores and worries vying for your attention, but can you possibly get up 10 min. earlier? It’s worth a try.

Valentine Your Children - 2/09

2009-12-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

It’s great to have a designated time to celebrate our love for one another, but the emphasis on romantic love this Sat. is only a fraction of the story. Don’t forget to let your children, grandchildren, mom&dad, and close friends know how much they mean to you. Even if you think the people you cherish know how you feel--and they might not--it feels good to be reminded. Also, there are more people than you realize who feel alone. Media hype insists we couple, which can make those without loving relationships to celebrate feel extra lonely as the sea of red hearts start to close in this week. Maybe you can think of a neighbor or someone you know who would appreciate a personal pick-me-up... through a card, a phone call, or a spontaneous visit. Surprise them and make their day!

Re-read Life Tweaks - 12/08

2008-12-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

If you’ve been with me since the beginning--Comfort Clues began in Mar ‘05--your lives must be all straightened out by now. haha. You have been taking them seriously, haven’t you? Amazingly, Clue #100 is approaching along with the end of my 4th year. Before starting fresh in ‘09 next week, consider taking the time to visit the Clue archive page on my website. Rereading clues from the beginning will refresh your motivation to improve your life. The simple suggestions I’ve offered over the last 4 years is an eclectic mix: from butt building to bird watching, from grief relief to stashing cash. I’ve asked you to volunteer, de-clutter, get a better pillow, and to soak in the silence more often. Though there are lots of tidbits to contemplate, through it all, my core message remains--slowing down and simplifying is key to less stress and more pleasure in

your life.

Holidays Are Lonely For Some - 12/08

2008-12-31T20:34:00.000-08:00

It’s a paradox but true: helping others helps YOU. The satisfaction of making someone else’s life better, plus that time off your own worries feels fabulous. “Friends and family” is a familiar phrase. All those scenes of friends clinking and laughing together. All those smiling relatives exchanging gifts on Christmas morning. But not everyone has family that can or even wants to spend time together. Not everyone has friends that gather round. Media make it look like everyone is enjoying these heartfelt moments, but real people often feel very alone. If you know anyone whose spirits seem to going downward this month, or who might have experienced a major loss this year, consider reaching out somehow. You may be crazy-busy lately, but feeling alone is magnified when you’re literally bulldozed by that media message. Making their season better will make your season better. And... for those of you with young children, remember that Santa is a stranger, and thrusting young children into that stranger’s lap — to be hugged — can be frightening. For your children’s sake, consider asking them first, or at least respect their reluctance and back off. Santa shots are not mandatory.

Thanksgiving Thank You - 11/08

2008-12-31T20:32:00.001-08:00

Those of us in the U.S. are about to eat our way through another symbolic day of celebration for all that we are thankful for in our lives. I'm jumping the gun here by thanking you for joining those of us who seek, as Hugh Prather so brilliantly put it, "... a better way to go through life than kicking and screaming." We all need reminders to keep moving forward, and mine is sitting down every two weeks to creative for you another small change that will make a positive difference in your life. This commitment to you helps me stay on the track of how I want my own life to go. Hopefully, my Clues do the same for you, and we can continue going in the same direction together.

Your Brain Needs a Break - 11/08

2008-12-31T20:32:00.000-08:00

Whew, the election media blitz/hype/bs is done, or almost. Now the focus bounces back to our own little worlds. For lots of us, that means worry about money and how we’re going to pay the bills. For sure, the economy looks dismal. But the optimist in me is convinced that the constant media drama and exaggerations make everything look more desperate that it really is. Fingers crossed. Here’s a reminder I concocted for whenever my life seemed to be falling apart, “The magnitude of my own problems seems to grow according to how much time I spend thinking about them, and myself.” Try giving your anxious brain a little break by regularly forcing it to focus on something, or someone, else for 5 short minutes. Hard to believe, but even this tiny break can ease the stress.

Simple Ways to Slow Down

2008-12-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

Take a deep breath and get ready. It’s easy to let the stress of trying to do too much cancel out the fun and joy in the season ahead. I’ve missed a lot over the years being caught up in doing it all just “right”. Here’s a little jump-start to practice: choose one thing in your life to do slower. Just one. You’ll be surprised at what a difference a couple minutes make to your brain and blood pressure. If you like the way this feels, a significant lifestyle change is beginning. Here are some simple areas for you to consider lingering longer in: preparing a meal, exercising, eating breakfast, driving to work, doing dishes, grocery shopping, reading to your children or just listening to them longer. Busyness and rushing around usually take away from experiencing fully the moment you’re in right now.

Socializing Benefits Your Health - 10/08

2008-12-31T20:28:00.000-08:00

My son said something recently that hit home, “We don’t see our friends much anymore. We’re in our own little world.” It’s so easy to get enveloped by what needs to be done every day, especially if you’re still raising children, working, and trying to keep up with the laundry. Pretty soon the months are gone and your social life with it. Pretty soon you’re a chore-robot who’s more alone than they want to be. If we all stay in our own little worlds, we risk killing that spark. Socializing fuels fun and laughter, relieves boredom, expands supportive networks, and fosters light-bulb moments that help you cope better with stress. Loneliness and depression have increased dramatically since everyone started letting busyness rule their lives. The need for human interaction doesn’t go away just because your minutes are filled, and the months ahead are the perfect time to regroup. When’s the last time you asked someone over for... whatever?

Resistance (to upgrading) is Futile - 9/08

2008-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

I’m about to upgrade my computer.... again. I’m not some super-geek that needs to keep up with the latest and greatest. I’m just your average e-mail, family photo, internet browsing kind of gal. There’s the rub, the internet. My computer (not that old, mind you) isn’t fast enough now for the size and complexity of modern sites. Same story every few years; I resist, then call “uncle” while humbly handing over my plastic to an brilliant 20-something who runs rings around my lame tech brain. So much grief could’ve been saved by just accepting the inevitable in the first place and going with the flow... of progress, or whatever changes in your life that you have to make, but don’t especially like. Acceptance is always good for your blood pressure. Resistance, after all, is futile.

Keep Life Simple (KIS) - 9/08

2008-12-31T20:24:00.000-08:00

You all like to kiss, right? Then here’s something to ponder: applying the concept to the rest of your life will give you more time to indulge. Keeping It Simple (KIS) enhances all aspects of your life. Up to your eyeballs in commitments, activities, and possessions automatically pushes your own personal priorities to the back burner. Relationships in your life get pushed back so often that it becomes the norm: less family time, less friend time, less time taking care of yourself. Yes, and even... perhaps... less kissing time.

Junk Food is Alluring - 8/08

2008-12-31T20:22:00.000-08:00

Potlucks are the death of me. Really, can a sane person NOT hang out longer than is polite when the table’s filled with an irresistible array of temptations? I’m reminded often lately how hard it is to resist food that is staring up at you. It takes resolve. It takes major commitment. It takes moving health and well-being to the top of your priority list, and that’s tough when your life is brimming with busyness. This is probably true wherever you live, as long as food is abundant. But I think it helps a lot to have a reminder occasionally. That’s why you have me. Personally, I get nuts when my weakness - Doritos - is in the kitchen. I can’t stop, sometimes resorting to a spoon for end-of-bag crumbs. However, I seldom think about chips unless I can see them, so the solution seems logical - don’t buy them in the first place. Easy to say. This technique only works if you religiously stick to your list, don’t shop on an empty stomach, and avoid THAT aisle (whichever one is YOUR personal weakness) like the plague. Consider getting the food outta your face, saving your favorites for special occasions only. So... grit your teeth, grip your list, and enter your local kingdom of calories.

Vacations Can Be Stressful - 7/08

2008-12-31T20:18:00.000-08:00

I’m back. I’m amazed. My first cruise ever woke me up to a word I’ve never attached to myself before, “complacency”. Climbing into my own bed after a week on this huge floating hotel made me realize how great I already had it at home. No matter where you live, it seems like life’s mandatory activities can fill just about every calendar square if you let them. My own busyness has kept me from appreciating the very neighborhood/town that I’m fortunate enough to live in. A new term popped up for me recently on a program about climbing gas prices, “stay-cation”, and I’m a believer. The huge expense and constant activity aboard AND off the ship, help me to redefine the word “vacation” to include staying at home. I mean, think of 7 whole days of sleeping in and doing whatever you want every day. You wouldn’t have to pack or spend or guard your belongings. When my children were young we often took them to Grandma’s for a few days and then.... went home. Just being alone was the stress buster we needed. Now, maybe you aren’t crazy about where you live and have no choice but to get away from the chaos, but there are lots of ideas floating around on making the most of your own place. This year I challenge you to find a few. You’ll be richer for it.

Decisions Drain Our Brains - 7/08

2008-12-31T20:16:00.000-08:00

‘Scuse me for being excited. In two days I embark on my very first cruise and my lack of stress and frenetic planning is, in fact, freaking my husband out. Why, just now hit me: It’s the first vacation ever where the responsibility of the planning wasn’t up to me. This miracle happened because we were invited to accompany someone else on their vacation. This relief, along with knowing I won’t have to make any decisions (or cook) for an entire week, is just now sinking in and reminds me of something I’ve believed for a long time: it’s the zillion decisions in our lives that are killing us. In fact, a morning of decisions back-to-back sometimes requires a nap around here. Try this experiment: plan a day without ANY decisions and see how it feels. I swear its the constant deciding what to do, what to buy, what to say, etc. that silently feeds our stress levels. If a day can’t happen for you without them, maybe you can trade off that burden with someone else in your household. Once you feel that relief, you’ll know that something in your life needs to change. Good luck.

Dress For Yourself - 6/08

2008-12-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

’ve fought it for years but giving it up at last. I’m finally listening to my own brain as far as how to dress everyday. You actually can teach an old dog new tricks, so the mental tug o’ war is over. Lucky me, I have a choice because I don’t have to go off to work every morning. The urge to conform to the norm, looking a certain “expected” way, has been strong all my life. This has meant, basically, dressing for everyone else but myself when I’m not in the work mode. The truth is I love everything casual, especially in clothes. Casual is friendlier. Soft and comfortable, and definitely more approachable. Lady shoes hurt. Hose are hot. And the fabrics of “nice” clothes are often stiff and ill fitting. Maybe this description fits you. Even if you’re the opposite and love to dress up, you might be stuck in that pleasing-everyone-but-yourself frame of mind. Consider giving yourself permission to simply be yourself. And what you choose to put in your closet is a great way to start. I can still look nice in a casual kind of way, right?

Celebrate Fatherhood - 6/08

2008-12-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

Even though most men I’ve met mostly poopoo all the fuss, I still believe that being appreciated still ranks high on their emotional radar -- even though they need prodding to admit it. Moms and dads both want pretty much the same thing: to know they matter to the children in their lives. If you have a decent relationship with your dad, a simple phone call is all it takes! If you’re a dad, pat yourself on the back for raising such fine younguns. If you’re a mom with kids still at home, maybe they can help you make his favorite meal tonight.

Enjoy the Summer Kid Show - 6/08

2008-12-31T20:09:00.000-08:00

If you live in my part of the world, summer vacation is about to begin. Losing track of this fact is easy when you’re beyond those child rearing years. But the absence of yellow buses, and hearing the chatter of children in the middle of the day, takes me back to all their excitement -- AND BOREDOM -- of freer days for weeks on end. Unless the young children in your neighborhood are all at daycare, be on the lookout for errant balls rolling into the street, and the kids who run after them. Expect more whining, more giggles from nearby parks, or more visits from grandchildren. Grab a seat and enjoy the constant floor show of teens jabbering through the halls of malls everywhere. Lift your nose from its grindstone and use this built-in opportunity to enliven your rut. And... remember that my book is a great summertime read.

Clearing Clutter is Crucial - 5/08

2008-12-31T20:08:00.000-08:00

Packing up to move has given a new meaning to my uphill battle of simplification. I started filling boxes two weeks ago, with the stuff I wouldn't need for a couple. Surprise, surprise. Other than the dish I needed to contribute a peach cobbler to a potluck, I haven't missed a thing--and the box pile is already high. If you're like me, and watch while the blank spaces in your home automatically fill over the years, take note. The accumulation is so gradual that you hardly notice... until, that is, you read all about clutter and how it can suck the life right out of you... about how it keeps stress levels high. The book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, helped me get a grip years ago. It gave me a new, important, perspective on how all that extra stuff surrounding me every day was stealing the energy I needed to live a better life. Downsizing is hard. Letting go of your possessions is a mental tug-o-war, but worth the ease it brings.

Mother's Day a Good Beginning - 4/08

2008-12-31T13:22:00.000-08:00

We’re moving soon, and the endless list of tasks I need to accomplish has me re-evaluating the general busyness that’s defined my life for so many years. Next month’s celebration in the U.S. of Motherhood is an ideal time to start on a new path that allows more time for the highest priority of all, family. If you’re like me, here’s our start: Connect, if possible, with your mom on May 11th so she knows for sure you’re thinking about her. If you’re a mom, celebrate yourself for your most spectacular achievement so far--making another human being or two. Then, do whatever you love to do for the day. If you’re a dad, make sure your wife takes a recess from her responsibilities and just plays. Being pampered is the ultimate! Getting your consideration will mean the world because it lets her know she’s valued. And remember that my book, “A Patchwork of Comforts” is an ideal Mother’s Day gift. It’s comforting, entertaining, and will give her some great relaxation ideas to try out.

Thank You For Your Loyalty - 4/08

2008-12-31T13:21:00.000-08:00

It's been three years since I first had my Comfort Clue inspiration, and I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for joining the "club". I hope that these periodic hints on simple ways to grow and to improve the quality of your life have made some little difference in the way you're going through yours by now. I'd love it if you'd take a minute to tell me how. Having an anonymous mailing list is kinda cool since I get to reach people from as far away as India, Africa and South America, as well as 38 of the United States. Thanks again for your loyalty, and may the next Clue give you another great idea to integrate into your life!

Birds are Good Teachers - 3/08

2008-12-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

Hang it and they will come. A bird feeder, that is. The better weather ahead gives you a chance to notice the birds and their carefree ways. Pausing to watch this bit of nature is a great way to interrupt the escalating intensity of “being busy every minute.” Their cute little pecking, peeping, and splashing is an automatic reminder to simplify life. Can you image having only 3 things to attend to (eating, bathing and avoiding predators), instead of the 93 things you think of every day? Feeders come in all shapes and sizes so you can hang or perch it somewhere within visual range of a kitchen or living room window. Better yet, somewhere in line with a chair, so you can pause longer than one minute. And if you have a yard, adding a bird bath completes the picture... and doubles your pleasure.

Paying Attention Avoids Accidents - 2/08

2008-12-31T13:05:00.000-08:00

I've been having little kitchen accidents lately. My dentist scolded that I wasn't flossing good enough then showed me pictures of what could happen to my gums. Yeow! These two events may seem unrelated, but I put them together recently after reading a couple of books on "paying more attention to what you’re doing" or, as authors Tolle and Hanh put it, living in the now. Being mindful is a simple concept, but a habit that's so hard to develop. Like most busy people, I do everything in my life just to get it done so I can move on to my next obligation, but changing this habit starts a chain reaction; focusing more fully on the task at hand, forces you to slow down because now you notice more details of your activity. Slowing down not only leads to a more thorough job, but produces a calmer mind that thinks more clearly. This reduces stress and better decisions. Once again, small changes produce huge results. A simple task like flossing slowly, with intention (avoiding eventual black gums with teeth falling out!), has made a huge difference in my mouth and to my dentist. Slowing down and paying more attention in the kitchen has meant fewer broken glasses and less blood on the cutting board. Just think of the possibilities!